I was reminded again today, experienced again today, something I've known, experienced, many times before: a sudden mood change, a sudden change in my psychology, my whole sense of being, of feeling, attitude of mind, understanding of my reality.
One minute I see everything THIS way, and then suddenly the next minute I see it all THAT way.
Generally it is a shift from 'bad' to good. When it moves the other way I don't notice it. But the shifts from bad to good are often very noticeable as was the case this morning.
As noticeable as when you rise from underwater to break the surface and begin to breath the air again.
Everything is still there: physical aches and pains, problems, that I had before, 'psychological' problems or worries, economic difficulties, social, relational problems: everything, anything, all still there but somehow suddenly not suffice to 'bring me down'. They just become something I will have to handle and I know I will handle them. I am bouyant, I rise above them.
I cannot make this happen. I am very grateful when it does happen. If I could do it on command then, I think, I would be 'in command of myself'.
The nearest I've ever been to that I think might be when taking drugs: alcohol or other drugs to cause a change in psychological state. But that's a clumsy and blunt way of doing it. One loses something when doing it that way. It somehow is a 'hiding away' when doing it that way. Going into a 'tunnel' of escape. One escapes alright but by running away.
This natural thing that arises of itself doesn't hide away but transcends.
I wish I knew how to command it. To be in charge of it. To be able to call it up at any time.